Is Canceling Plans With Friends Always a Bad Idea?
Do you feel guilty about flaking on your friends? Like if there's that thing that you really don't want to go to because it makes you uncomfortable, you're are overcommitted, or you're not feeling well. It happens to me and it doesn't feel good!
While I was listening to this episode of Full of Joy podcast yesterday, a light bulb went off. The featured guest, Self-Care Queen Meghan Bonhomme, explained the concept that self-care is not only the fluffy fun stuff, it includes some icky stuff too!
While enjoying time with friends is part of the fun stuff, the icky stuff can be the heartbreaking conversation to decline spending time with them when necessary.
The fun stuff as we know it – the spa days, the tasty treats, silly dances, the nature walks -- is not enough! Sometimes, to unlock the full benefits of joy, the icky stuff is required!
ICKY GOOD STUFF:
Having difficult conversations, attending that boring training, going to therapy, setting boundaries, and saying no to things that don’t light up your soul. This is the icky good stuff. It may not always be comfortable, but you gotta do it to get the best you.
I DID IT:
Despite the discomfort, I found myself engaged in the “icky stuff” this weekend. I was supposed to link up with my friend, Jenny. I hadn’t seen her in a while, and I was truly looking forward to it! That is until mother nature and a dose of anxiety kicked in. The unfinished tasks kept piling up as I tried to nurture myself through the monthly female pains.
We hadn’t set an exact time, yet, and I was struggling to figure out when to fit our time in. I was crawling through my task list and the day was getting away from me.
Now, I get a kick out of finishing tasks, and I’m refreshed when I connect with good friends. But in that moment, I felt so horribly that I just couldn't make it.
So, I had two choices –
- Force this meeting into my schedule, letting my friend hang out with an irritable sloth version of me.
- Ask her to reschedule - I HATE breaking commitments to people!
I chose the icky choice - option 2. It turned out not to be so bad. She was ok! She had stuff she needed to catch up on herself, and she was delighted to meet me later in the week! We had a great time together when we saw each other a few days later! I was relieved and glad that I took that much-needed time to gather myself.
HOW TO POLITELY CANCEL PLANS WITH A FRIEND
It's not ideal to make it a habit of breaking commitments, or you'll lose your relationships and miss out on the joy that they can bring. But, in case you find yourself in a pickle, I found this blog post online that gives you some tips on how to do it gracefully, considering the other person.
Do you use some of these?
What are some uncomfortable conversations that you've had lately?