Untangling My Heart: Embracing Inner Joy in Our Journey

When his smile used to light up my world, I thought it was the epitome of happiness. It seemed like a normal part of being in a committed relationship, but little did I know that it was masking a deeper struggle within myself. Over the past few years, I found myself being swept away in a whirlwind of his emotions, possibly intensified by the chaos of the pandemic. It left me feeling dizzy, constantly trying to keep up, and too often falling from sheer exhaustion. It was time for a change.

I realized that my happiness should not depend on his. I'm actively working on it! Therapy opened my eyes to the term "codependency," a heavy burden I had unknowingly carried my entire life. But now, I'm determined to break free.

So, I made a bold move. I took my finger and clicked the delete button. I removed this statement on my relationship e-vision board: "When he smiles... I feel warmth and a sense of pride." Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy seeing him happy; it genuinely warms my heart. But now, I choose to celebrate his moments of deep joy, recognizing that his smile doesn't define my worth or happiness.

His happiness is no longer a prerequisite for my own. Every day, I'm rediscovering what brings me joy as we both navigate our personal transformations.

I won't deny that I face a constant battle with my inner forces -- those familiar emotional rollercoasters that try to pull me back. But each day, I make a conscious decision to let the strength within me -- the God in me -- be my stable source.

In this moment, we are both growing. And that's something beautiful. Some days, it feels like we're growing together, intertwined and inseparable. Other times, we may drift apart, exploring our individual paths.  But more and more, I find that as I focus on nurturing my own inner joy, our growth aligns in harmony.